For Your Grief and Mine

This is not a song I wanted to write for you
There is pain, and there is grieving

And we all do it in so many ways

I can only wear long soft sweaters
And sweatpants
Everything else is a burden
Like jeans, uniform, and yoga pants

Silence is my place in heaven.
It is sweet to get lost looking through the window,
With my gaze on little things
Like tracing the falling flurries,
Or watching the tiny birds

Someone told me to teach you how to be sad
By letting myself be sad in your presence
By being natural and by showing you what’s inside
I have done it, yes; I have shown you my tears at times,
I keep the rest to myself
They usually appear quickly in the shower-chamber
Disguising themselves on my skin
When the water runs warm

You be brave and find your route
And I know you will
Because your heart is big
Because your love is huge

As you miss him, you will find him
You will connect with him
As you let him be with you
In a different interface
In your own sacred space

t. lopez