Usually, when the day is gray, windy, and cold, my mood gets affected. However, I know I am not the only one impacted by the weather. You have probably experienced this effect of gloomy days in your feelings, including the well-known seasonal shift or seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
But am I all for shining and sunny days with a glamorous blue sky? Controversially, there have been many times that I am blessed with a soft palette of the heavens above. These have been moments when I have suffered deep emotional sadness triggered by an adverse event or environment. These are moments that the climate has no apparent reasons to be blamed for but moments of isolation, rejection, insecurities, fear, and pain.
If the Sun is striking with its rays during these periods, I feel pierced and wounded. The glittering time undermines my sensations and makes me feel awkward and in a state of turmoil. I get delicate to the colors of the firmament, and the most perfect bluish particularly becomes insensitive and arrogant. Even the warmth does not feel welcoming, and it usually does! In these epochs, it leaves me confused and unrested instead.
So yes, I am grateful for the existence of a gentle dull atmosphere—a natural gray ambiance with a cool temperature and a smooth wind. The setting tells me that it can meet me exactly where I am. That is not trying to change me or cheer me up. That is just there, listening, mirroring me, observing me, giving me the smooth side of the tenderness and the agony, and giving me the acceptance that I am craving. It is like a tranquil and solitary lake where I am the most companied in a sacred silence that leads my healing.
t. lopez
